So now the self-proclaimed most read, most published and most popular newspaper everywhere and anywhere on the globe wants to be the first one to send one of its readers somewhere, er, no civilian has ever gone before... And that would be into space, indeed! Metro, not content with previous firsts (like their futuristic edition, which sampled a ton of entries written by their readers, so many bogus articles depicting what the future would be like if they could make it happen so...! It was lunacy on a grand scale right there - but we saved it for another blog) Metro, therefore, had to outdo itself - and it sure did.
It promises not only to cover the costs for one lucky winner (said costs should be around 100,000$ - nothing less) but also to send an extra pair of lucky winners per country apparently (but local finalist prizing seems to differ from territory to territory - look here and see what samba they will dance to instead!) and onwards to the space camp set up in a training facility in Holland before setting sail (okay, it's a flight really) for Curaçao, in the Caribbean...!
Florida, eat your heart out!
Now, they can't just be sending out anybody out there, in outer space, to represent not only the measly paper but, most importantly, all of the human race (for, evidently, each and every time you go "out there" there is an infinitesimal chance the ever-elusive but all-important first contact (first official one at any rate) will be established! And we don't want the E.T.s out there to meet just any schnook hastily dispatched into space just to make the news and establish a precedent, now do we?)
In order to weed out the bad prospects, hence, there is a quiz to go through - and it is as rigorous as it is humorous, somehow...? My - I guess those folks at Metro are as much the living paradox types as me, myself and I, Luciano, can be here...! Wow - what were the odds of that? Never mind that now, though...
Back to that quiz - pronto!
And you can indeed, literally go back to it - almost an unlimited number of times, yes! The questions there are not that tricky but they are multiple choice of answers types - and that can be waaaaay confusing, as we all know...
Average blokes like you and me will get a score oscillating between 7 and 8 out of 11 - and that will earn you this invitation right here:
Meaning: maybe your destiny is not to go into space at all, chum - why not take it easy and bake in the sun on some beach somewhere instead, eh, bum?
But the great thing is, even when you fail, the door is not closed on your potential application - at all! Once you succeed in achieving a perfect score (why the odd number 11 though? 11 out of 11 is just... yeah, odd! But those are just details...) you can proceed in officially filling up your application and presenting your "space submission" at last!
And then - it's a popularity contest, nothing else.
How disappointing that is: I mean, did Buzz, Yuri, Valentina, Svetlana
and the Space Cowboys get "elected" into going into space - HMM? No! (At least we hope not) They were trained astronauts, anyways - they were paid to sacrifice themselves, in case the rockets blew up on take-off. So why should the first civilian (non-millionaire, that is) to go get to be a POPULAR PICK? Why should he (or she) be slim, fit, in top shape, healthy, well-balanced, mentally stable and intellectually above average in any infinitesimal way either - for that does not represent humanity these days at all with its tendencies that include super-sizing, brain-draining, unhealthy-habits and dumbifying overall and above all!
If they want Buck Rogers, John Carter, Han Solo and Flash Gordon types to send into space, this entire exercise is already rigged before it even started then!
Of course they will not openly say that this is closer to wanting and finally having actual Pigs In Space now: the contest would be banned if it was! They want an average joe type as the winner, sure, but that shall be the best specimen of the average joe there is to be found! Astronauts have for too long been an exclusive club - it is time to open up that club's entrance levels!
Thus, you may still play along - apply, just for the game that it is - and dream of boarding one of these:
But really - you have as many chances of flying the Millennium Falcon: at least that ship did not discriminate (hey - Chewbacca was never in good shape, okay? And, besides, if those other cooks -such as Shatner- could go so many times into space, why couldn't any one of us, eh? But that's another story...)
The true lunacy of all of these proceedings is, of course, the very idea of it from the very beginning: did they run out of prizes or ideas for them that the only thing left to do, in order to impress anyone, is to shanghai someone into danger like it has never been experienced by the common average mortal?
If the lucky winner was to die in space - that would make the headlines of the paper for weeks and months to come. And, unlike Rupert Murdoch's fish wrap, it wouldn't go under for it, we can bet.
:-!
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