Wednesday, July 27, 2011

LOF - Lunacy On Film: Monster Brawl

Fantasia -the now well-known genre festival featuring all the gorey films you can possibly shake a stick or a stake at- served as the ideal and logical platform for the premiere (the WORLD PREMIERE, no less) of this most bizarre of Canadian offerings titled... "Monster Brawl".

It's a SuperClubVideotron presentation too - figures.

For at least two of the so-called thespians involved (Kevin Nash and Jimmy Hart) it is not much different from what they've been involved with before - as the former used to be "Oz" for the WCW and the latter was there when "The Yeti", "The Giant" and even some guy purported to be "The Loch Ness Monster" (nothing less than that) invaded the steel-cage where Hulk Hogan was hiding - again in WCW. As it is, "Monster Brawl" is a dream come true for Hart's former acolyte in WCW, "Gamemaster" Kevin Sullivan, he who tried to actually create something of the kind for many years, in various incarnations of his occult-ridden, all-around gothic, spooky and ooky "Dungeon of Doom" faction... Surprising he wasn't involved with this one? Then again, maybe he was... And we don't really want to find out, either way - ever.

The cast of "Monster Brawl" comprises belligerents of the ring such as Lady Vampire, Witch Bitch, Swamp Gut, Zombie Man, Cyclops, Werewolf, and they also had to have Frankenstein in there - portrayed by the bald meanie from "300" (and French Behemoth thug from Downey Jr's Sherlock Holmes) on top of it all!

Not bad, overall, one must say - for they did manage to gather up virtually all of the better known archetypes of the sort in there. However, Sullivan would have wanted a "Jersey Devil" or two in there, too, I am sure (which makes me doubt he was involved at all, indeed.) And me, personally, I would have gone with more local flavour, such as a "Wendigo", a "Sasquatch" and, if colorful luchadores are in, a "Chupacabra" too!

But we are digressing right now...

Having any or all of these characters fit inside a squared circle is beyond the average capacity for suspension of disbelief, of course. There is no storyline to speak of here - it is just an extremely, shall we say "exotic" wrestling card; the likes of which horror movie fans who also doubled as wrestling fans (and don't they always) could only have dreamed of.

They say "careful what you wish for - you might get it" don't they; and, again, here is an example of that with this waste of celluloid that will leave both the "sports entertainment" fanatic as the gorefest fan utterly dissatisfied.

But it was nice to see Jimmy "The Mouth Of The South" Hart getting involved in something again - ever since the demise of WCW in 2001, he had not been seen anywhere, to my knowledge... Likewise, Kurrgan (aka Robert Maillet) is getting steady film work ever since he was dropped by the WWF/WWE - and his performance here is not necessarily worse than his work as a wrestler or the roles he was given in "Sherlock Holmes" and "300". The man is typecast, like André Roussimoff before him, so under such circumstances getting work is a blessing in itself, as no one is going to look a gift horse in the mouth in these dire -indeed- circumstances, ever.

Other WCW and WWE jobless "superstars" that should have been involved in this one (and that make more sense here than Jimmy does) would have to be, in no particular order: Vampiro, Daffney, Gangrel (but he's doing pornos now - him, the sickening bloodsucker, not "Val Venis" - makes sense, too) Crowbar, maybe David Flair too, or even Raven, Kidman, any other Flock survivors, Barbarian, Meng, The Great Muta,  Sullivan's old buddy Angel of Death, Road Warrior Animal (he needs the job, too) and, of course, The Boogeyman and/or Papa Shango.

But not the KISS-approved, horrible WCW "Demon" more-than-loosely based upon Gene Simmons - him we need not see again, in any ring whatsoever - EVER AGAIN. Even if Sullivan and Simmons would like it, I suspect...

And in that same line of thinking...

Thank God "Abyss", Mick Foley, Judas Mesias, "Kane" and "The Undertaker" were not available to participate - or even cameo. (They didn't - RIGHT?)

In terms of the overall cast though, former Kids In The Hall member Dave Foley (no relation to Mick either) stands out due to one fact and one fact only: he has got to be inspired by classic WCW announcer Tony Schiavone - with just a hint of an amalgamation effect adding Bobby *The Brain* Heenan traits to the character that he portrays here. The portrayal is dead on and evokes WCW's best years perfectly - if one makes abstraction of all the action in and outside of the ring here, of course. Canadian veteran actor Art Hindle hits a personal new low here (and I thought "Paradise Falls" was it as far as he was concerned) as does Lance Henriksen. The latter is far-removed from his Millennium days - while the former, as "Sasquatch Sid", does evoke some Canadian near-folklore... (I still would have preferred to see the real Sasquatch, in the ring - haven't you ever heard of CGI, Foresight Features? Never mind...)

It is odd that the biggest monster from the squared circle of them all, Hulk Hogan, was not involved with this project though. Usually, every kind of oddball project even remotely associated to wrestling that is ever made does feature him somewhere, at some point...! Luckily, this one proves that there are exceptions to this rule, "brother" - eh?

One final bone to pick here: who do I have to wrestle to settle this one, I wonder...?

On the website devoted to this flick, you can see the official logo of the production - it is but a stylized, simplified coat-of-arms. A shield, with two clenched fists popping out of it. And there, near the bottom of it, is a cross; not just any cross but an upside down cross. What is the meaning of this...? Is it all purely for style indeed - or was Kevin Sullivan involved after all?

Maybe we'll never know for sure, eh? We probably don't want to nor need to!

Just like the answer to the question "what possessed anyone to greenlight this thing" will likely never find an answer either.

I mean... 
They were not even the first *Monsters Brawl* on record...!




Sad, really...

Sempre Por O Melhor
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